Posted By crates on November 30, 2008

          It seems to me that most people make friends very easily.  I do not.  It is not that I don’t feel the need for friends or that I am not open to friendship, but it seems that there are few people with whom I “click” with to the extent that I can grow close to.  I realize that is a failing on my part, but I don’t seem to be able to do much about it.

                As a consequence of my failing, I have walked alone most of my life.  It is not something that I normally think about that much.  I am usually happy with my company, always doing things alone.  I think that through the years it has been my family with whom I have been closest to, and it has been my family that has taken the place of friends.

         When I do make a friend, as far as I am concerned it is for life.  It’s not something that I think about–it simply is.  I can’t feel any differently.

        The reason that I even speak of this is that today I lost a dear,  precious friend, one with whom I used to be able to talk with about everything, and with whom I could share so many things in my life during a time in which I was going through incredible turmoil, and there was nobody else to talk to about my troubles.

          How can I even begin to express the gratitude and appreciation for such a friend?  And how can I possibly express the depth of my sorrow that the friend has turned against me with such venom and spite, and who has irrevocably and forever ended such a relationship?  

          I could shrug the whole thing off, pretending that I didn’t care, but I have decided to try and confront my feelings and to let other people know how I feel.  This is in such contrast with my natural way of being discrete and quiet about my deepest emotions.    This is like a death, an absolute ending…and I know there will be a time of mourning as there is in such endings.

Categories: nature
Tags: nature